So yesterday there was an earthquake. I'm sure you've heard about it by now, seeing it happened roughly (very roughly, I'm bad at estimating time) 20 hours ago. However, one thing this blog has never claimed to be is current...or even informative for that matter. All you need to know for the following word-splosion (it's like a story but less boring) is that there was an earthquake in DC yesterday afternoon, I work in an office in Boston on the 11th floor and I felt it.
My initial reaction? I honestly thought the vicodin I had just taken had kicked in and I was getting that oh-so-sweet painkiller headrush and dizzyness. You must be asking yourself "Wow! What kind of rockstar life does this Raph live?! Painkillers during the day on a Tuesday? I bet he gets laid on the regs!". Let me quickly resovle this misunderstanding by saying a few words: the vicodin was prescribed from my wisdom teeth operation and yes I do get laid on the regs.
A quick aside about my wisdom teeth before we continue: I've never realized how much I enjoy solid food and drinking out of a straw, both of which I've had to abstain from since last Friday, or roughly 2 weeks ago (see? I told you I sucked at this whole estimation thing). The vicodin is great and luckily my face hasn't gotten swollen at all. The downside to all the vicodin is that my work ethic has suffered horribly. All I think about all day at work is going home to play videogames.
Speaking of videogames (and I'll keep this brief): I went 47-7 last night on Arica Harbor in Battlefield 2: Bad Company. For the uninformed, that means I killed 47 people and only died 7 times, acquiring a K:D Ratio (Kill to Death Ratio) of roughly 7:1 (my best estimation of the blogpost, for those scoring at home). Again, for the uninformed, a K:D Ratio of 2:1 is considered a good round, and a K:D Ratio of 7:1 can roughly be described as a n00b genocide.
What was I talking about again? Videogames? Check. Drugs? Check. Oh right, the earthquake. So once I realized that my chair was actually vibrating, and that there wasn't some not-so-hilarious prankster from the legal team behind me shaking my chair (I'm looking at you Rick), I realized I was in an earthquake.
The real question is this: Really? An earthquake? Didn't we already have a tornado? Aren't there hurricanes coming? I'm not saying I believe in all this rapture talk, but I had this thought. What if the rapture really is happning this year, and God is hitting us with everything he's got. Only his arsenal of "end of the world weaponry" is about as dated as a scifi movie from the fifties. When I picture the end of the world, I picture the sky raining fire, rivers turning to blood, etc. Maybe God has (dare I say it?) lost a step. He's like an old pitcher who used to throw 99 mph, but now he's only working with a curveball and an 89 mph fastball. Maybe he can only muster a tornado here or an earthquake there*. Ice that arm big guy.
Anyway, it was my first earthquake. I'll always remember it, and most likely associate it with vicodin and having my wisdom teeth removed (and hopefully that SWEET 7:1 round I had last night). All in all, a solid portion of my life has been immortalized.
*I originally went on a tangent with alot of salary cap metaphors, but I decided against it.
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